by Mark Littleton
12/01/2003
I have been doing this flyfishing thing for quite a while. It’s
hard to keep something like that a secret from your family so eventually
they start trying to get you Christmas presents that relate in some
way to your avocation. When you have been flyfishing long enough,
you start to become pretty selective about the type of things you
use. By the time you are my age you probably have just about everything
you really want in the way of useful fishing gear. That doesn’t
stop the well intentioned from getting you the things that they
think you might want, or that they would want if they flyfished.
Women in particular are likely to find things for your den with
a fishing theme. At different times I have received gifts of all
manner of strange knick knacks with a fishing theme. A partial list
of gifts I’ve received over the years includes; little flyfishing
statuettes, rotating flyfishing lamps, flyfishing bookends, flyfishing
Santa’s, a picture frame with painted fish all around the
outside, and other less memorable stuff, all of it tacky and just
about as useful as a rock in your boot. The all time champion of
these was a fly fishing teddy bear complete with rod, glasses and
a pipe. It’s pretty hard to say “thanks for the flyfishing
teddy bear” with a straight face. What is a full grown man
supposed to do with a teddy bear?
A whole industry has sprung up around this type of stuff. I have
a catalog at home that, in addition to real flyfishing gear, has
almost every worthless thing you can imagine. Flyfishing garbage
cans, place mats, welcome mats, mugs, you can even get a toilet
seat with flies visible through the plastic. A flyfishing store
owner once told me that the hot gift that year was a flyfishing
toilet with a fish painted in the bowl. I shudder to think what
the Freudian implications of the flyfishing toilet are.
I am pretty sure that women buy most of this stuff, or maybe I
am wrong and other fishermen are just more in touch with their feminine
side, you know, the side that likes this stuff. I’ve never
been able to figure out the female mind. What exactly is the thought
process that creates demand for tacky clutter? If they have never
seen me buy anything like this, what makes them think I want it?
Right now you are probably wondering, “how can I put an end
getting this junk for Christmas”? You could try the tough
love route and tell your loved ones that you really don’t
like this stuff. Alternatively you could try to finesse the issue
and anonymously mail this column to the offenders, or post it on
your refrigerator, or leave it in a conspicuous place. As a last
resort you can do what I do, say thanks as politely as possible
and suffer while silently repeating your Christmas mantra of “it’s
the thought that counts, it’s the thought that counts”.
Merry Christmas.
