It is already the middle of January 2009, I have been browsing through the Christmas cards and letters deciding if I want to keep any of them. Actually is not the cards that interest me but some of the letters. You know the kind, they walk you through the entire year hitting the high spots, each month becomes more fantastic and wonderful than the last. Here is a classic;

            “We sailed our 62foot yacht “The Conquistador” to Sweden where we got a fabulous deal on two new Volvo’s and had lunch with the King ( He is really a gentle spirit) . Little Sabrina is now 7 and has taken an interest in music, her piano teacher says she has never seen such pure talent, although it was expensive building on the new conservatory, she so loves her Baby Grand Steinway. Boris is 5 now and all boy, after our trip to the Olympics in China he has become totally consumed with becoming the next Michel Phelps, and although we had to re-locate the Picasso sculpture, having the new Olympic size pool can only help him achieve his swimming goals. Speaking of achieving, Milt may have a big surprise early in the new year: an ambassadorship with new the administration (were hoping for France, oui,oui).  I’m staying busy with my homemaking chores and charity work for homeless animals; we all need to give back to our communities.” Ciao for now.”

            When you get one of these letters, save it, cherish it , read it once in awhile. Next is an example of a different kind of Americana: honest and heartfelt….out there.                             

            “We all had another fine year of county livin, the flood wasn’t much fun but we been up against that before at least a dozen times. Little Tronny was abducted by aliens again this summer but at least they fed her this time , she said it was kinda like fatback, grits and greens except it was all blue. She is a funny kid and a big help around the place. Gator and Raydell took Scooter and Flea down to the bayou a couple times this fall , fishing for Blue Cats . Gator said he was going to use Flea for bait , (ha,ha).  They caught a mess, and we had all the neighbors over for a fish fry and Crawfish boil. Raydell tuned up his guitar and played us Elvis Presley songs all night, that boy is even starting to look like The King. Gator was working double shifts at the refinery for most of the year and made his family enough money to take us all to Daytona Florida for the big race. He is such a sweet man. Everyone else is fine and happy. I have to tell you a funny story about our lunatic hillbilly neighbor Mr. Eyesley , this summer some one gave him a big old hot tub and he decided to install it in the back bedroom of his trailer. Gator and Raydell said they would help out, but by the time they got around to it Mr Eyesley had cut side of the trailer out with a Ginzu knife, he said it cut that aluminum like butter. After the men manhandled the tub into the bedroom they just stuck the cutout piece right back in the hole and duck taped the seams.  The funny part is, that now the inside of his trailer is so warm and humid his shag carpeting is sprouting grass and flower plants, he says he has more lawn inside than on his yard.  Ya’ll have a good year.”

            This why I don’t send Troutbum Christmas letters , taking a few trips and catching fish I throw back just doesn’t have the panache I see in other  peoples letters. Maybe next year I can work up a fabulous letter like True Trout Crime or my summer with the Rednecks of Costa Rica. Who knows?